a question of ethics

there is a lot of suffering going on in haiti right now. i thought about that last night, tucked in warm in my bed. i've thought about it since a week ago when the earthquake hit - about the dead, the dying, the people who are suffering. it's not just a natural disaster - it's a man-made one. say what you will about big brother, but the absence of governmental organization has probably tripled the number of dead in haiti, and it's getting worse.

i've been blown away by some of the reporting going on there - even the reporters i have had doubts with have done an amazing job of conveying the brutality of the situation. how much can a photo, a scream, a teary voice speak? they have connected me into the stories, and i plan on donating to the cause because of it.

but i had to know this was coming when i saw a video of dr. sanjay gupta from cnn examining a 15-day-old baby girl with a head wound. as dr. gupta explained what was wrong to the baby's father, he also explained it to the viewers. the purists in my field are now questioning in articles like this one whether doctors who work for new networks should get involved so heavily.

or you could read this article quoting the doctoral student i worked with when i was an a.i. mike brings up a valid point: "'In the end, I tell my students it is up to the individual person,' he adds. 'But most of my students say it is wrong for the reporter to insinuate themselves into the story, and I tend to agree. In that moment when they become the story, how can they bear faithful witness to the truth?'"

true - but how could i as a person bear watching an innocent get hurt, a country crumble to its knees, without at least trying to help?

jónsi's new song is amazing

i feel like i have to scream about it, because i'm so excited - jónsi birgisson, lead singer of sigur rós, one of my all-time favorite bands, is releasing a solo album in march, "go." but if you sign up for email updates, you get his first single, "boy lilikoi," free. and it's AMAZING. it's so good, i'm using caps, and y'all know i don't do that very often.

he's also on twitter. it bummed me out that he only had 2500+ followers - though he did ask to follow me!!!!! this man is talented. listen to his music. you'll thank me later.

diversion: Southwest Airlines review

i meant to write this post ages ago, when the flights were fresh in my mind, but i remember them both well - mostly because they were so good!

for those of you flying any time soon, you really should consider southwest. they're a great company to work for (i hear), they're super-nice with their customers (love their twitter feed @SouthwestAir) and they have cool deals like their new early-bird check-in service. in the past year, southwest started early-bird check-in. between when you buy your ticket and 25 hours in advance, you pay $10 per way for a boarding pass that allows you on the plane right after the frequent southwest flyers and business select ticket holders. the sooner you pay $10, the better position you'll get. i purchased the early-bird check-in for my flight to phoenix and back home about three weeks prior to my trip. in southwest days of yore, every passenger can check in and print their boarding passes starting 24 hours in advance - with the idea that the sooner you checked in, the better chances you have for a group A pass, and thus a better seat on the plane. with the early-bird check-in, your spot is automatically assigned 36 hours in advance - and you can print your pass starting at 24 hours to go. gone are the three groups; instead, southwest gives everyone a place in the a, b or c group, plus a number. you check in based on that number. if you're a person like me who likes to have a certain seat (my preference - window, as far front as possible), getting on the plane asap is critical. on my flight to phoenix, i was in a window seat in the fourth row. on my flight home, i was in the third row - another window seat. totally, completely worth it.

now if you don't care where you sit, it's probably a waste of $20 (roundtrip). but if you're hesitant to pay and checking a bag in, consider this - southwest lets you take two bags for free. on some other airlines that's $40-75 you'd have to pay. after being on some flights where my seat fate was not in my hands, having the luxury of picking it - and getting a good one! - is priceless to me.

i miss christmas

sniff.

it's my favorite holiday, and i'm going through withdrawal. especially when i remember it's going to be a whole year until i get the tree out again. well, 10 1/2 months, but still.

picture cheekily borrowed from fine little day, a new favorite blog of mine

another one bites the dust

i was going to write this post about guilt - specifically spending too-much-money guilt, as christmas/pre-christmas chicago trip where i bought shoes that were way too expensive (more on that later, as they are beautiful) totally kicked my bank account's ass - but i have another kind of guilt today to confess. the jealous-of-those-i-love guilt.

this is a new year's thing i'm trying to do - get these bad feelings out into the blogging world, which will somehow make me feel better, because maybe-just-maybe one of you is feeling how i feel. comrodary in numbers, or whatever. you know, one of the 10 or so people that reads this blog.

another friend is married. she's amazingly hilarious and the tallest girl i know. she used to get me my milk at the sorority house and once came over to my house senior year of college to rescue me when i "thought i heard something." it turned out to be the oven. i shared cookies with her in humble gratitude. but she's engaged, and i'll be honest, i thought i would go first. of course that's what i said about the last friend, and the friend before that. there are still a few people holding out, but i swear if they beat me...

see, this is the problem, that gnawing jealousy that makes me think i should be growing up, too. i'm going to be 25 in a few days. it's a scary age, mostly because i can't say "early 20s anymore." it's "mid-20s" now. mid-20s. i'm complaining about being in my TWENTIES. that is the level of sad desperation this jealousy causes me to fall to.

from what i hear, 30s are better. 40s are supposedly fun, too. it would be nice to not feel like such a fuck-up all the time, to actually not only know what i'm doing, but not care if i don't, feelings that i've also heard come with age. and i am so, so happy for my friend, who is lovely and kind and deserves a beautiful future, which i'm sure she has in front of her.

i am. seriously.

my future gay boyfriend

i watched a lot of tv over break, most of it thanks to my awesome dvr. i am a creature of habit and rarely venture away from six or seven shows, but a few weeks ago, i made a new friend. his name is gok wan, and i am in love.

gok is the host of the british version of "how to look good naked," which lifetime has so kindly started airing in the u.s. i never watched carson kressley's version of "naked," but i was hooked the first time i saw gok with a very uncomfortable woman who looked to be about my size. they were standing in front of a full-length mirror; the woman was in her bra and panties and was practically crying, she was so uncomfortable. gok looked at her and said, very emphatically, "you are beautiful. you have nothing to be ashamed of."

gok's message is one of loving thy body sans plastic surgery, gimmick diets or conformity to unrealistic beauty expectations. he takes normal-sized english women and turns their attitudes completely around by pampering, styling and lots of love and encouragement. women who literally cry seeing themselves (almost) naked are stripping down for a nude photoshoot and strutting a catwalk in cute underwear by the end of the show. and lest you be pessimistic and think the good juju disappears after the cameras are off, gok goes back to visit some of his ladies a year later in some episodes. they're all doing wonderfully - one lady had decided to chase her acting dream and signed up as a plus-sized model!

as a girl who would be considered plus-sized by the fashion world, i get very upset when i go to a store (hello, j. crew) and all the sizes are xs or s. i get mad at myself for looking at magazines or even people i know and hating myself for how i look. it's ridiculous that i should feel bad for the way my body is. gok's message is one of complete acceptance and love, and it's infectious. my bangers and pins are beautiful just the way they are, fashion world be damned.

new year, new look

2010. it sounds so nice, doesn't it, especially if you're ocd like me. i like nice, even numbers, and it's nice to start out the year organized already.

my birthday is this month (the 14th, and if you need present ideas, bingo). my mom thought i needed a gym membership pass as a birthday gift. i don't know if she's trying to tell me something, but i could definitely learn to be more healthy. the laziness has gotten to a new level, and it's not that i want to lose weight, but that i know i need to trim down a bit, considering the health problems from my family. so i signed up for a fitness class two days a week that's in my employer's office building just a block away.

oh, and i bought really nice nike shoes that i probably can't afford. but dammit if i have to work out, i might as well like my shoes. happy birthday to me.