yes i have big boobs. apparently victoria's secret doesn't like them.

on any normal day, i embrace my boobs. they're actually my favorite body part. so when i end up feeling bad about my favorite part of my body, i get pissed. enter my favorite bra/underwear/lingerie store, victoria's secret. after years of not finding lingerie in my size or having to buy the bikinis that are dowdy because i have a big chest, i'm sick of it. i ordered a really cute bikini this week, it didn't fit because victoria's lied about their sizes online, and i'm pissed off. so i just wrote them this email. it will probably come to nothing, but at least i feel better - big boobs and all.

I recently ordered the Beach Sexy Liya halter bikini top and matching bottoms. After consulting the size chart, which told me my size, 38D equaled a L, I ordered that size. Ha. Perhaps if I was auditioning for Playboy. I might as well have been wearing two eye patches over my breasts. The top was no where close to fitting. I tried to see if there was an XL available, or if I had read the size chart wrong. Again, no - a size L somehow equaled a 38D. It makes me question whether your swimwear designers have actually seen 38D boobs. I find it so disheartening that an underwear company caters mostly to women with smaller chests. Your PINK line, your Sexy Little Things line, and now some of your cutest bikinis - immediately off-limits to us girls who have bigger boobs. I might understand if you were more of a general apparel company - but your forte is bras. You have NO excuse not to offer everything in every size. When I try to buy cute lingerie in your store, I end up feeling depressed about my body - even though I'm a normal size. I'll be returning the Liya bikini, thanks to your ridiculous size chart, and I can't help but feel like crap when I shouldn't have to. Thanks for nothing. And have fun cutting up my unused bikini - yes, I read that story on MSNBC. What a ridiculous, wasteful policy.

royal wedding week: my favorite dress

as the run-up to the Wedding continues - and my dvr begins to hate me after recording 10 programs on the royal family - i thought i'd talk about my favorite royal wedding dress.

princess grace's long-sleeved lace masterpiece and even the over-the-top confection that is princess diana's dress were close second and third-favorites. but my personal favorite has to be sweden's crown princess victoria's.

this is how you do simple but not boring. the dress was made for her june 2010 wedding by swedish designer pär engsheden and featured a 16.5-foot long train.

but it's the back of the dress i truly love. victoria was going to have her back to her guests for most of the ceremony - why not make it special?

i wasn't crazy about the cameo tiara, but have since grown to love it - especially after reading that it once belonged to empress josephine (napoleon's wife) and was used by victoria's mother on her wedding day. i love the band at the waist that defines her shape, and the lace veil in contrast with the texture of her simple gown. it's her natural beauty and happiness that's on show here - not the dress. she struck the perfect balance of staying true to herself and being a little opulent - she is the future queen of sweden, after all!

rock the casbah

j. crew dropped prices on a few more sale items over the weekend, and i couldn't resist two sweaters i've been eying - this classic wrap everly cardigan (that reminds me of something kate middleton wore a few years ago - bonus!) and the merino confetti sweater that i've watched since it debuted at a whooping $148 and finally went on sale last week.

and now the waiting begins for the other pieces i'm oogling. spring colors are usually pretty muted until april at j. crew - i'm so glad we're over that hump of grays and pale lilacs and barely-yellows and on to the fun bright summer prints they're known for. i'm obsessing about one in particular - anything and everything in their bright green casbah print:

look at the colors! i'm practically squealing. perfect with jeans as shown, or dressed up with a pencil skirt.

love. love love love. this would go great with tanks or a blouse. fancy scarves like this one are perfect to dress up a tee for work.

the blouse sells for $88; the scarf is priced at $55. both are out of my price range right now, and i predict the blouse will sell out before it goes on sale, but i'm holding on hope for the scarf.

makeup review: nars blush

there are some products you see promoted in magazines or on talk shows that do not live up to the hype (maybelline mascara, anyone? what is it with crappy maybelline products?!). and then there's NARS blush. i've seen it featured again and again as the best powder blush out there (i'm personally not partial to cream blushes).

this particular NARS blush has won award after award, and it's easy to see why: it's a peachy pink with little bits of gold flecks in it. it gives subtle color without being overpowering.

and of course because it's NARS, it has to have a great name - orgasm. because you do get an, ahem, glow from it. in the best sense.

i love this blush. i love it so much, i wear it every day. blush is my go-to makeup-when-i-don't-want-t0-wear-makeup. it's the perfect way to freshen up your face, and the quickest way to younger-looking skin.

my verdict: i cannot live without this blush!

death, but also life

i've been asked to write my grandfather's obituary.

he's not dead, but he's 87, and not in the best health. and it's not something any of us want to do under pressure or grief. "it's not morbid," my mom told me, practically begging, on our way to a bridal shower over the weekend. my brother marries in six weeks. life goes on.

i don't like getting all preachy, mostly because it doesn't seem like me. i feel like i'm talking about things i don't yet understand, like a kid who pretends to know things, even though i do know things. i've been through this before.

a brother of a friend recently died. he was too young - 29. his obituary was beautifully written, and all i can think about is his mother, typing her oldest child's life story out - a story that has ended.

it's not morbid, obituary writing. it starts with death, but there's also life - family, friends, work, hobbies. memories. lots of laughter. the endless games of spoon. summers spent in the pool. root beer by the gallon. life.

"do any human beings ever realize life while they live it - every, every minute?" -emily webb, our town

i think we do, if only in death.

omg nail polish

i first saw essie in last year's j. crew holiday catalog. between drooling over plaid shirts and cozy cashmere, i noticed this nail polish in bright colors with names like "mink muffs" and "spaghetti strap." then i got the biggest shocker - the target in my small hometown ACTUALLY SELLS ESSIE.
cue the angels.

i'm over buying cheap nail polish. i was excited enough that i found o.p.i. at target, but essie? really? now i'm sort of (very) obsessed. nail polish is fun; i love trying new crazy colors that paint on smooth and actually stay on.

any favorite colors out there?

color pictured is sand tropez. i've been scouring for the perfect nude, and this is it. i'm in love! next on my must-buy essie list: melon and lilac. sigh. i love spring colors.

kate and william - the lifetime movie

oh hells yeah.


there are few things as fabulous as a royal wedding - except the certain-to-be-awful lifetime movie that goes along with it. just in case i wasn't anticipating the royal wedding enough, my favorite tv channel is coming out with "william & kate" on april 18. i have the snuggly blanket and wine ready to go for the occasion.

makeup review: maybelline lip stain

i can't tell you how many times i've spent pacing the makeup aisles at target, wondering which lip stick, lip gloss, nail polish or eye shadow i should buy. discovering a new favorite is like finding gold - once i find something i love that works, i'll pay whatever it costs for it. i'm partial to sephora, but that doesn't mean i don't love a great deal. sadly, i'm finding less and less quality among the cheaper products. you get what you pay for - most of the time.

i've been wanting to try a lip stain for a while now. i love the idea of it - lips just stained, as if i've been eating strawberries. no gloss, no shine, just simple natural-looking matte color.

i picked up maybelline's color sensational lip stain in cranberry crush at target for about $6.50. i haven't had a lot of luck with maybelline products and usually go for revlon or l'oreal. unfortunately, my bad luck continued with this lip stain.

the pros: beautiful color (very flattering berry-red), matte finish, and it really did look like i had just drank some kool-aid.

the cons: stayed on for all of five minutes before it started flaking off, too expensive for a drug-store product to not last longer, can't go with any other glosses because it flakes off then too.

my verdict: i'm still searching for the perfect lip stain. this is not it.

kate fashion: kitten heels

kate middleton, she of the most-anticipated-wedding-of-my-generation, went out to lunch with her sister pippa and fiancee wills, and wore very lovely, very simple tan kitten heels.


i found some that look almost identical from ann taylor loft. simple, easy to wear, goes with everything. you're not going to break your ankle walking in these.

well, you might, if you're clumsy like me.

in other kate fashion news, i adore her hair like that. i have spent many evenings in front of my bathroom mirror, trying to achieve the perfect amount of volume and messiness without veering into the sloppy. never works for me.

and yes, i'm waking up at 5 a.m. april 29 to watch the wedding. can't wait!

elder

it's a bitch getting old.

you'd think people could at least keep their dignities. after all their work and struggles, you'd think karma would return the favor.

but then your body betrays you time and time again and you're rendered to a person so dimly recognizable, your children and grandchildren are left with only memories of who you used to be.

it's so unfair. it's so fucking unfair that after everything, old age robs us first of our appearance, then of our health - and then it has to take the mind, too. it's truly bullshit seeing my grandparents suffer. they all put themselves through college. they all suffered through a depression and a world war. they worked hard, giving their children a better life. they are good, decent, loving people. and now in their last years, they suffer.

and now my last memories of them will be of that suffering - of this shell of a person who is not the grandfather i once knew with the sense of humor and pride. it's not him. but he's the only grandfather i have.

bullshit. utter confounding indignant injustice.