that was then

i was in a classroom, barely watching the tv, more interested in the issue of the newspaper coming out in a few days or a week or two weeks. i saw out of the corner of my eye "the sears tower" on the crawl, and everyone gasped, but they were only evacuating it.

in the next class, we watched the news. we saw someone falling. they were wearing red or brown or green, as if it matters, tumbling like a doll.

i was expected to concentrate in algebra, and all i wanted to do was scream at my teacher, are you serious? do you really think my mind is on equations today?

we didn't have to concentrate in english. we got to write our feelings. i was working on some meaningless thing about smoke and fire and darkness when a siren went blaring down the street. even though we knew - we knew we were ok, we were thousands of miles away, no one would attack boring indiana - our heads still went up, our blood still pounded. for two seconds we were there.

we went to annette's house for lunch, so we could watch the news. on the way back i leaned my head out the window to a sky: blue, cloudless, empty. no planes. i remember thinking how strange that was. i couldn't understand. but that was then.