Monday, May 16, 2011

my brother, the husband

there was a moment at my brother's wedding when i almost messed up.

i was the first bridesmaid down the aisle, and i almost left early, dragging a groomsman with me. i felt my face go red, and i stopped and breathed and waited. the music changed, i counted to four, and off we went to witness my little brother get married.

little is a wrong word to describe him. i don't think he's been little to me for 12 years. i went from wanting the house to myself to wanting to be cool in his eyes. i was never the cool older sister. i was the band geek, the girl who shopped too much, the second mother he didn't need. i tried to stop caring. i ached for phone calls. i relished visits in college from him - then was disappointed the lame house party with the pony keg wasn't the sorority event he thought he was getting. but as we've gotten older, i've realized how alike we are.

we're both sensitive - very sensitive. we both have an affinity for strange family heirlooms. we're both gross. we both cuss a lot. we understand the value of hard work. we're very loyal.

i've gotten the question that every single sibling whose younger brother/sister gets married first gets: "are you upset your younger brother is gettting married first?" because apparently there's a rule against that. and it's also their business.

no, i'm not upset because - and i'm not just saying this - i love my sister. i can't even call her my sister-in-law. that sounds forced. or like some bad rom-com. she is perfect for my brother. she's also my polar opposite, which i also love about her. i love my brother, but i always wanted a sister i could shop with or talk clothes or just be girly around. jack's not the only one whose dreams are coming true. she's the happy ending. and i'm so, so happy she's part of my family.

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