this is a few weeks and days late, the birthday post that i meant to write on my actual birthday. i turned 25 in mid-january, my Scary Age, that point-of-no-return. today i write this on the birthday of one of my very good friends, because i wonder if she is feeling the same way i feel about this time in our lives.
we always talk about that terrible time for people when they're growing up - those teenage years with all their hormones and angst and impatience to just get there already. but no one ever mentions how difficult being a 20-something is. the hormones and angst and impatience don't go away. you just don't have a good excuse to make mistakes anymore. or that's what it feels like. i feel like i have to be perfect, that every single decision i make is a Big Decision and if i choose the wrong fork, i'm going to pay for it down the road. stock purchase plans. mortgages. my uncle even mentioned i need to have a will. when the fuck did this happen? i'm YOUNG. or young-ish. i'm not even married.
and that's the other problem. in my teenage years i just wanted a boyfriend. taylor swift would have been my mary queen of heaven. now everyone's asking me when the wedding is. the expectations don't double, they go up to the tenth power. at 18 i was worried about my prom date. at 28, it's the prime time to have a baby. twenties are way harder than the teens, and i just wish someone would acknowledge that those stupid teenagers don't have it so terrible after all, because they're still kids and they can still make mistakes that everyone understands and forgives. no one seems to be as understanding when you make those mistakes in your 20s. we're supposed to have it figured out by now. right? sure.