Tuesday, July 21, 2009

regrets

i regret not taking russian in college. spanish, seriously, what was i thinking? i can carry on a conversation in spanish only a little better than if it was in russian.

i should have gone to europe to study abroad. i don't think i could have done a whole semester, but i definitely should have done a summer. 10 days was so not enough.

i wish i had spoken up more - in class, in sorority meetings, for things i thought were unfair, for issues. i couldn't campaign or attend rallies because i was a journalist, but i still could have done something.

i could have volunteered. or at least covered more stories about non-profits. the best i did was push for directors of various charities to be on the live show i produced.

i wish i hadn't been so scared to fail. that's still a mountain i'm trying to climb.

i should have eschewed sleep more. not the all-nighter thing, but i should have at least enjoyed some more bar days with my friends who are all now living their own lives, and who i will only now see when someone gets married. my liver thanks me, my heart does not.

i needed to let the schedule go. let the planner get lost. maybe even leave the cell phone at home. another one i can work on.

why didn't i go to runcible spoon when i was at iu? or the farmer's market more? or the restaurants on 4th street? or more restaurants period? or jazz night at bear's place? uncle elizabeth's? the early music festival? any music festival?

i shouldn't have wasted time on regrets. i should have just gotten them out there, like i'm doing now, and let them go. we burn last year's palms and use them for ash wednesday mass. there's something cleansing about that, and i don't quite understand why. but this is my blog post learning from my regrets, letting them go and burning them into the air.

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